Contemplations
by lyn452
Summary: Clark thinks about the different women in his life.


Spoiler Alerts: Crimson, Siren, and Artic specifically

**Contemplations**

Another battle won, and Clark Kent found himself in the same spot as he always seemed to be when he needed to recharge, his hayloft. Clark remembered how in his younger days this was a place of quiet contemplation and dreams. He would look through his telescope and dream of other worlds and a destiny greater than any man before. People called him naïve now.

He lost her. In all the trouble with Lex and Brainiac he never got the proper time to take in the loss. He allowed himself a necessary moment of grief then did what needed to be done. At least, that was how he looked at it. Now, with only his thoughts for company, Lana Lang consumed them.

Clark never doubted that he would end up with Lana, all the dreams of his future, formed in this very hayloft, included her in them. He never doubted that she was the love of his life. After every break-up he just reminded himself that sometimes loving something meant letting it go and finding its way back to you.

He sighed. He doubted it this time. It was always his secret that kept them apart, and she knew. So what else could be keeping them apart? She knew everything and still walked away. He had nothing else to give her, the world almost ended because of his unwavering devotion to her. Why couldn't their love last?

Clark sighed again, sitting on the couch. He was getting nowhere with this, but he just felt that it was something he needed to figure out. His destiny was looming, and soon he would have to fulfill it, he had a feeling Jor-El would insist upon it one way or another. He just wasn't sure if he liked his destiny including him being alone.

Jor-El had told him it wasn't to be the case, even gave him a bracelet for his true love. A bracelet, Clark now realized, he'd never even considered giving to Lana. He leaned forward resting his hurting head in his hands.

Clark knew he was young and had the rest of his life to find the woman made for him, but he just knew he already met her. He just wasn't sure he could recognize her. He always thought it was Lana, but maybe not.

Who else was there though? Alicia was gone. Chloe. Clark fought the urge to sigh again. He hated to admit it but he used to think of Chloe as a back up for Lana. She was certainly devoted, if not in love, with him and he liked her, but after seeing her with Jimmy and being with Lana he knew he could never do it, to either of them. If something was going to happen between them it would have happened already, and despite his attempts to change them when loving Lana hurt too much, he only ever felt friendship for Chloe. They both deserved better than that, he cared for her too much to string her along.

Then there was Lois. When even the idea of loving Lois crossed his mind, it unsettled him. Every time he remembered their red kryptonite lovefest. Most days he really wished he was as clueless of what happened that day as Lois. He learned to justify the kissing to himself. Lust wasn't really anything to worry about, as Kal-El he always acted on that impulse. She thought she was in love and he was a man without inhibitions, things were bound to happen. The fact that they nearly did it right there on Oliver's couch didn't disturb him in the least…Clark liked to tell himself.

No. What disturbed him about the encounter was not the kissing. He knew she was a good kisser from his time as Green Arrow. What truly scared him was that insatiable urge to impress her. Even on red kryptonite, Clark never truly exposed his powers to anyone. He was a bit more reckless with them, but never showed off like he did with Lois. He never showed them to anyone, not even Lana. Lust didn't frighten him nearly as much as that mixture of smugness, pride and joy he got in seeing that awestruck admiration in Lois Lane's eyes. An in love Lois reacted to his powers with a grin and a kiss, an in Lana reacted by trying her best to ignore them.

Not to mention the only woman whose life wasn't better without him was Lois…

"Clark? Are you up here?"

The voice made Clark rise immediately from his spot and look to the stairs.

There she was the only woman in the world who really loved him.

"Mom? What are you doing here?"

Martha rushed up and hugged her son. "My son almost dies, it's worth a trip home."

Clark held on to her as tightly as she could handle, feeling the first real surge of happiness since Lana left. "Lana left."

Martha gripped her son tighter, knowing how much she meant to him. She loosened her grip and guided them to the couch to sit and talk. She waited for him to speak.

"Why can it never work between us? Love shouldn't hurt this much."

Clark looked so heartbroken. Martha held his check, wishing the pain away but knowing there was nothing she could really do. "Clark, I wish I could fix this for you, but you need to figure it out for yourself."

Clark rose from the couch and began to pace in front of his mother. "That's just it. They always say you just know, and I always did. I always knew that Lana was the love of my life. The only thing keeping us apart was my secret, but now I don't know anymore. I know I love her, and she loves me, but I don't know if it's true love or just first love."

Martha rose as well. She stopped Clark's pacing with gentle hands, calming him right down to his spirit. "That bittersweet longing kind of love isn't always the lasting kind, Clark."

Clark's blue eyes searched his mother's open ones. "How did you know Dad was the man for you?"

Martha smiled. "You'll learn that in the end, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh."

"Alright, Smallville, you've just reached your brooding limit." Lois never did make a quiet entrance. "And by the way, how predictable that you're wallowing in self-pity in your designated spot."

Lois' smug look was replaced by surprise when she saw Martha. Then changed quickly to happiness. She ran up to hug the senator. "Mrs. Kent. I didn't know you were here. It's great to see you."

As soon as Lois pulled away, her mood shifted again. "Oh, I didn't just interrupt anything did I?"

Martha and Clark exchange looks. Clark answered, "Nothing that can't be continued later."

Lois looked like she was going to say something but Martha quickly interrupted her. "I'm going to go unpack my things. We'll talk later, Clark." She gave her son a kiss on the check and went down the stairs.

Lois waited for Martha to leave before starting in on Clark. "So, is the pity party over now or still in full swing?"

Clark scowled. "Did you come here just to mock me, Lois? Because really if that's it, you can leave."

Clark walked over to look out barn window.

Lois came up behind him, willing him to give her his full attention again. "No, I did not come here just to mock you. I'm taking you out."

Clark didn't move. "I'm really in the mood to go out right now."

Lois came closer. "Come on, Smallville get your coat. Tonight I'm going to get you drunk and laid. Not necessarily in that order."

That got Clark's attention. He spun to face Lois. "What? Lois, that's hardly…I mean I don't want to…No…"

Lois smiled. "Actually I was just kidding."

Clark rolled his eyes but continued to give her his full attention.

"Chloe's dragging me to some computer geekfest convention thing, and I figured since you're already miserable you can come with and we can be miserable together, in a healthy out in public sort of way."

Clark looked doubtful. "I'm not going to that."

Lois held up two tickets from her purse. "Too late. I already bought you a ticket."

Clark continued looking doubtful.

Lois only smiled, waving the tickets. "Come on, Smallville. There might be some cute girls there."

"I'm not interested."

"Cute guys too."

Clark's look turned to shock. "Definitely not interested!"

Lois' grin only got wider. "I meant for me, but if I'd known that…"

Clark cut her off, not liking that mischievous look in her eye. He grabbed a ticket out of her hand. "I'll go."

"Great."

Before leaving, Clark had one more thought. "Since when are geeks your type, Lois?"

Lois shrugged. "I've always had a weakness for guys in glasses."

Clark remembered Lois completing his disguise with glasses in another world where he had no problem showing off his powers for her. Another world where her reaction was an admiring smile. "Oliver didn't have glasses."

Now Lois was scowling. "No, but he had a private jet. I can forgive good eyesight for flight."

Still looking for something to nettle her with Clark pointed out, "That rhymed."

Lois responded, "Makes it easier to remember."

That look like she had planned it that way all along was sufficiently ridiculous enough to make Clark burst out laughing.

Martha smiled at the sound of her son's laughter and left the two alone, not really minding that she was loosing her son to Lois.


End file.
